Pain isn’t always bad…

This adoption journey is so hard! Each day my yearning is to see the little face that my heart already loves. Every thing I do is made with the thought, “How does this affect my child today, tomorrow or in the long run?” I just want to know her. I want you to know her. I want her to see that she has been chosen and that she has so many people fighting to bring her home.

The cost of international adoption is upwards of $45,000. That price tag is something that looms over me day in and day out. Every paycheck, from several jobs, is a nick in the “fees owed,” but it never seems to make that large of a dent. I have been working three plus jobs every week to bring in the extra money and it never seems to add up. I have been blessed in the gift of donors every time I start a fundraiser. Thank you. Thank  you for being that light in the midst of the tunnel of despair.

Over these past few months, I have spent countless hours online scouring for a new grant I am eligible to apply for. Let me tell ya, as a single person, sometimes its hard to not feel hurt by how few organizations allow singles to apply. The ones that do have been inundated with applications, because there are MANY, MANY singles in the adoption journey. We count too. We work just as hard to bring home our babies. We are equally qualified to give love to a child who lies there just longing to be loved.

So, I wait. I applied to seven grants thus far. I have heard back from two that they would like for me to be matched with a particular child before I will even be considered. My adoption agency has assured me that this is in no way a denial. It is simply a, “wait until you’re matched, and then reapply.” While this isn’t exactly what I had hoped to read in their email, I am encouraged to stay faithful.

In the next week or so, due to a gift from God, I will be able to have all of my papers mailed to India. It will officially begin the approximately 3-6 month wait to be registered with CARA. It is the central agency in India, that manages all available children for adoption. This is all simply put. There are so many details included in this step. But all exciting ones!!! I’ll be one HUGE step closer to my kiddo! 🙂

In the next few weeks, be praying with me that I would be able to come up with extra funds for all the next sets of fees coming up around the bend (from here on out they’re all pretty large sums). I struggle to be patient in hearing from grants. I could really use some assistance from them to get me ahead on the next step or two. But most grants are requiring you to be matched first…which is still SEVERAL thousands of dollars away from this point.

Pray for my girl’s heart, as she waits for her Mama to come to her. Pray for another single mama who is a little ahead of the point I am at, we have been holding each other up along this crazy ride. We’re even hoping we may be in India at the same time! We shall see what God has planned!

As the days ahead go by, forgive me if I am distant or too busy to be present. I am just cranking away at the things I can while we begin this time of waiting. This process is slow, but ever busy with things to do. The paperwork never ends. The appointments and lists never stop coming. But in the end, when I FINALLY embrace my baby it will all be so worth it!

Thank you to those who have donated funds, yard sale items, hearts and ears willing to listen and most of all prayers. I couldn’t go a day in this journey without the many people lifting me up in prayer. This has been the most stretching and purging experience in my life and I am so grateful to have so many stand behind me. This is God’s work. He constantly reminds me of this.

Recently I have been drawn to pray and weep to this song, by Lauren Daigle. It’s called, Rescue. These words give me hope and they inspire me to be this strong for my girl.

You are not hidden
There’s never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You’re not defenseless
I’ll be your shelter
I’ll be your armor
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It’s true, I will rescue you
I hear the whisper underneath your breath
I hear you whisper, you have nothing left
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It’s true, I will rescue you
Oh, I will rescue you

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